You be the judge: should my boyfriend save his post

He thinks showering at the gym is fine. She thinks it must be taken at home to keep the germs at bay. Whose argument doesn't wash?Find out how to get a disagreement settled or become a You be the judge juror

The thought of bringing the germs from the train into our home grosses me out

My boyfriend, Marek, and I have vastly different stances on hygiene etiquette. We go to the gym together, and I believe that even if you shower there, you still need another shower when you get home, because you’re not really clean.

A gym shower is not a substitute for a properly thorough wash, because you’re rushing. You can’t get into all the usual cracks you can at home, because you’re conscious of the other people around. And I suspect Marek must be, too, as he also takes very short showers – he’s out in five minutes. How can he be truly clean?

I also think there’s little point in showering at the gym, taking the tube and sitting on dirty seats, and then going home. I’m not too fussy about germs, but I do think that when you get in from outside, you should change your clothes before going into the bedroom or sitting on the couch.

Maybe it’s because of my Caribbean background, but my mum always stressed the difference between “outside” and “indoor” clothes. Marek disagrees. When we first got together, I told him off for lying on my fresh sheets with his “outdoor clothes” that he wore on our date, and he laughed at me.

Since then I’ve had to become more relaxed, because he simply won’t change clothes when he comes back from work or the gym unless I beg him. If he’s showered at the gym, he’ll say “no need to change, I’m clean” and I will wince. He’s worn those clothes all day, then gone to the gym and travelled home – bringing back gym and train germs with him – so how can he be clean?

I’d like him to skip the shower at the gym and travel home to shower instead, before changing into his PJs or lounge clothes. Marek thinks I’m being over the top, but the thought of germs from the train in our home grosses me out, as does the idea of him climbing into bed after a quick shower in the gym.

Our hygiene standards are very different: if I have to shower at the gym, I will make sure I bring all my gels and slippers. Marek has told me he walks around barefoot. We are not the same.

A shower at the gym gets me clean – and a few harmless germs are nothing to be scared of

In case you hadn’t guessed, Candice’s beliefs about germs and clothes are quite strong. But in my opinion, a shower is a shower.

We go to a posh gym and they provide the soaps and towels so I feel as if I emerge pretty clean. But when we go home, she wants me to shower again before getting into bed, and I just think that’s a waste of energy. When we’ve been working all day, then working out, I don’t want to commit to more physical labour in the form of a second shower.

I often refuse. I’ll explain that, contrary to her opinion, I actually wash myself properly in the gym. She doesn’t believe me because I like quick showers. At home I’m usually done in 10 minutes, whereas she loves to luxuriate in there for 45 minutes.

At the gym I’m usually out in five, due to the fact that I want to get home, so Candice thinks that I’m not fully clean. One time we had a little row; I said she was being ridiculous and she called me “sloppy”, which I didn’t appreciate. And when it comes to getting changed out of my day clothes, no one taught me that I need to put on my Sunday best to sit on my own couch.

It annoys me a bit because home is for relaxing, not worrying about bacteria that don’t kill anyone. I have learned to acquiesce at times because it really seems to stress her out. We live together and have done for two years, so Candice gets her say on how we run our home, and honestly I’m just not in the mood to have a big debate about it.

Though if anything, building up some resistance to germs post-Covid is actually good for our immune systems. We should all be exposing ourselves to the outdoors.

Candice doesn’t see it that way, but I think it’s down to different upbringings. I was raised on a farm in the country. We played in the mud and didn’t worry about bringing a bit of mess inside. Candice is a city girl through and through, and says her Caribbean family encouraged her to change clothes when she got home from school or from being outside. But my personal hygiene is generally very good. I just don’t spend all my time worrying about germs.

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Should Marek wait until he gets home from the gym before showering?

I go to the gym regularly and always shower there. I hate going home sweaty and it’s not pleasant for those around me in public. I shower quickly, thoroughly and am clean. Candice should trust that Marek washes himself properly.Nadeem, 56

There are two issues here: how clean is “enough”, and is it reasonable to expect a partner to compromise for a loved one? The first issue is debatable, but it is clear that Marek is guilty of being unwilling to make minor changes to accommodate Candice’s reasonable preferences.Raist, 38

I’m not sure which is more worrying, Marek being forced to endure an unrealistic cleanliness regime or Candice’s lack of trust in her partner’s ability to clean himself. Marek has chosen to shower at the gym – she should respect that.Will, 34

Candice seems to have some very rigid ideas about personal hygiene, and a mistrust of Marek’s ability to clean himself. He says he takes 10 minutes at home, and can be out in five minutes at the gym, and I believe him. Maddie, 55

It’s perfectly possible to have a quick shower and be clean – taking two is a waste of water and not good for the environment. And having post-gym sweat clinging to the body while travelling home is very unhygienic. Candice needs to chill.Esther, 46

In our online poll below, tell us: should Marek shower at home, not the gym?

The poll closes at 10am BST on Thursday 10 August

We asked whether Wendy should stop subletting her room in their shared flat?

94% of you said yes – Wendy is guilty

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